You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
