Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize