THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
