Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
