He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
