Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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