how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
