Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm passing your future prison.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
