I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
