Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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