Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
