other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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