They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
