Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
