she was so not down for the gang bang
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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