I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
