We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
we should paint friendship bongs
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize