just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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