Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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