He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
