She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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