Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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