Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
