I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She bit a glass in half.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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