Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
third nipple confirmed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
