Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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