Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
