Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
