Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
