Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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