His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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