this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
