I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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