tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
