My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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