so that wasnt chicken after all
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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