That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
