just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
