well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
