Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
