god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
