so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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