I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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