I think I am morally bankrupt
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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