The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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