I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
