After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize