I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
