I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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