Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
