the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
