I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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