bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
