just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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