I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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