I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have post one night stand depression
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