Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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