are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
