i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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