i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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