Jerry, you need to find god
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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