dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
