Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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