if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
