The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
