well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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