Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
