That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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