she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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