well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
