So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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