I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
