Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
