I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
