her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
