White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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