You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
