I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
